Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

–Albert Einstein

I woke up this morning to see similar headlines blasted all over the web. I would love to quote it for you, but I just can’t decide which particular headline to use.

The upshot of all the headlines is that the FDA has finally approved a new obesity drug, Belviq, for sale in the USA. And there are so many things to mock here that my head is swimming. It’s like that time I got dragged to go “fishing” at a fish farm. The pond was about 3 feet deep, 20 feet widem and 10 feet long and contained approximately 1,546,453 fish.

You could just put on your apron, grab one with your bbq tongs, and stick it right on the grill.

Let’s start by assuming that this drug works just as it says. Here’s our first insane statement:

The delay in launching lorcaserin [the generic name of Belviq] in the United States was due to the companies waiting for regulatory classification to determine the risk of abuse; this came recently when the Drug Enforcement Agency deemed it was a schedule IV drug — the second-least-restrictive designation on a 5-step scale.

Let’s all stop and give thanks for the DEA for the way it’s watching over us. After all, not being fat is far less important than not being addicted to a drug. Better be 1,000 pounds and unable to feed yourself than get addicted to Belviq.

Thankful time is over.

Later in the report we have this statement:

The EMA has since revealed that it was concerned about the potential risk for tumors, particularly with long-term use, based on the results of laboratory tests. It also had other safety concerns, including the potential risk of psychiatric disorders (such as depression) and valvulopathy, which were seen in some patients during clinical trials.

The cancer risk in animal studies was one of the concerns of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) when it rejected lorcaserin the first time around.

The EMA says it is still “of the opinion that the benefits of Belviq did not outweigh its risks.”

Huh. Apparently it’s better to be fat than to be addicted to this drug, but it’s not better to be fat than to have depression, heart disease, or cancer. At least according to the FDA. The Europeans thankfully seem to be thinking a little more clearly.

Do I really need to actually say this? I’m afraid if I don’t someone might not think it…

Aren’t we told we’re supposed to lose weight in order to avoid heart disease and cancer?

So basically this is a very expensive way to lose a tiny bit of weight, but–don’t worry–you’ll still be able to get heart disease and cancer.

Why buy Belviq when Hostess Snack Cakes are so much cheaper?

And that brings me to the “tiny bit of weight.” After an entire year of dieting, those who took Belviq lost about 3.3% of their body weight. This is being promoted to the morbidly obese, so let’s say you weigh 450 pounds. 3.3% of that is a whopping 13.5 pounds.

So now, after a whole year of taking a powerful drug that causes nausea and dizziness, and may cause you to get cancer, heart disease, or depression, you weigh 436.5 pounds.

Pop the cork; it’s time to celebrate.

And here’s where things are really insane, if you go with Dr. Einstein’s definition of insanity. (Do YOU want to argue with him?) This drug only works when “combined with a ‘healthy’ diet and exercise.” Which can only mean one of two things:

1. The drug doesn’t work at all, but for the low, low cost of $200 a month you can take it anyway.


2. Eating the gov’mint approved ‘healthy’ diet and exercising won’t help you lose weight.

What if the ‘healthy’ diet is what’s hurting in the first place? What if chronically elevating your blood sugar with whole wheat crackers and whole grain bread and whole wheat cookies and whole grain waffles and Curves granola bars and Vitamuffin Vitatop and tons of bananas and air popped popcorn and instant oatmeal and Yoplait Lite flavored yogurt and dried fruit with lots of added sugar and cheese pizza snacks and honey and low fat frozen yogurt and cinnamon organic Puffins whole grain cereal and fat-free pretzels and chocolate milk with non-fat milk and lite syrup and a thousand other foods that are marketed to us as healthy and low fat, is actually making us fat and sick?

What if you ditched all that stuff? Isn’t it at least worth a try before you start taking powerful drugs?

Plato says he’s hungry

Help us keep paying for this site and feeding the dogs.


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