There is nothing new except what is forgotten.
–Mille. Rose Bertin
We’re on the verge of starting 2015 and the internet is collapsing under the weight of health suggestions and advice for the new year. Why is that?
Did everyone forget all the advice from last year? Of course not.
Now grocer’s trade
Is in request,
For plums and spices
Of the best
Good cheer doth with
This month agree,
And dainty chaps
Must sweetned be.
Mirth and gladness
Doth abound,
And strong beer in
Each house is found.
Minc’d pies, roast beef
With other cheer
And feasting, doth
Conclude the year.
–”Poor Robin” 1677
As you head into Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and then New Year’s and all the attendant feasting, what kind of a plan do you have?
I can’t tell you what plan will work for you; I can only tell you what my plan is. Read it if you like; ignore it if you will; adopt parts for yourself and throw out what you don’t like. It’s up to you–just don’t go over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house with nothing more than a vague hope that you’d like to “eat well.”
To develop a good plan, you need to know the ground. It’s no good figuring out how to arrange the cavalry if you don’t even know in which direction the enemy is. In our case, the preliminary information we need is from our new, and better, understanding of reality.
Government is not reason, it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.
-George Washington
George Washington could have said that about a lot of things. There are many things in this world that are fine in certain context, but when it gets out of control: look out.
I’m sure you’re thinking of some others right now…
And oftentimes, excusing of a fault
Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse,–
As patches, set upon a little breach,
Discredit more in hiding of the fault
Than did the fault before it was so patched.
–Shakespeare, King John Act IV, SC 2
Halloween is nearly upon us, and I think you all know what that means. It means enormous mounds of candy. It means sickly children who mysteriously get colds that won’t go away till sometime after New Year. It means gluttonous gorging on candy, all wrapped up in that flimsy excuse that everyone, from the President to the parent to your slimy local politician angling for higher taxes, knows how to use: For the children!
by Mithon Gwilwilethon
Shock and sorrow rocked the public yesterday as Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission biologists confirmed that an elderly, obese, red-clad elf found in the Everglades on the afternoon of December 25 was indeed Santa Claus. Officials had been working to make a confirmation since the body was found by Travis Booth, who lives on the edge of the Everglades.
Continue reading Worldwide Sorrow as Obese Elf Believed To Be Santa Claus
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
― Pericles
Here’s hoping that none of you cared that I haven’t written another post till now, because you were so busy enjoying friends and family that you didn’t even notice!
Let’s talk about sugar and holiday gorging eating. I had some people over for Christmas and all around Christmas. It’s an important time of year for the line of work I’m in. And let’s face it: at Christmas people expect dessert. You simply cannot invite them over for a meal of just meat, maybe a vegetable or two ,and candy dishes full of cheese and pepperoni cubes instead of…you know…candy.
Of course on the day The Roommate and I actually celebrated Christmas–primarily by not eating sugar, resting quietly, and not having anyone over–we actually did have cheese and pepperoni slices in the fancy Christmas candy dishes. And almonds. The spicy ones. And we ate ham. Pounds and pounds of ham. I had a jar of pickled peppers in my stocking. The roommate had a can of roasted pecans under the tree.
Anyway, if one is going to swear off all sugar forever and ever, fine. But if one is going to ever allow it all, Christmas is the time.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
–Unknown
After the catastrophe that was yesterday’s loss of all my writing (catastrophe to me; relief to some.) I am going to try again on the subject of idiocy that gets thrown about over the holidays.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…
As Thanksgiving approaches and Christmas is not far behind, I have been noticing the articles online: including a very grudgingly-written one bout how good manners dictates we provide food at our holiday for the vegetarian, for the people allergic to dairy, for the recovering alcoholic, for the people with nut allergies, for weird Aunt Sophie–and now, to top it all off, we have to accommodate those gluten-free nutjobs.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
― Larry Lorenzoni
It’s been a little silent because on Monday I got a concussion. This was unfortunate, as I’m entering “birthday week,” that time of year that exists in nearly every school, office or family, in which a disproportionate number of birthdays fall in a short amount of time.
You may be wondering how I got the concussion, and I can tell you that it was something thrilling and exciting and memorable, which will definitely be a scene in the made-for-TV movie they make about me, where I bent over to get an extension cord and forgot there was a corner of concrete-over-rebar wall right behind the curtain.
Ask Me How It Happened 